"Feel your pain..."

What the heck does THAT mean?  Years ago I went to a counselor during a rough spot in my marriage.  It was a pleasant conversation; I stayed positive and hopeful as I shared, acknowledging that God was in control, all of this must be happening for a reason, and that it would all work out.   When I had finished sharing, he looked at me as said, "Kym...you have to feel your pain."  What????  It wasn't until years later that I finally understood what he was saying.  All I thought at that point, however, was "this guy's on crack...and I'm paying hard earned money for this???  Feel your pain....whatever!"
I was speaking the Truth...all of those principles and beliefs were good, solid attitudes to have...so what the heck?  I was trying to be a good Christian, for Pete's sake.
I learned that sometimes a smile when you're dying inside is appropriate.  When you have to get through your day at work, when you have to be "strong" or the "adult" for your kids when they're scared or hurting...when you don't want to be vulnerable with those who you've not built a trust relationship with...but then there are times when it is absolutely not appropriate to "fake your way through life".  Quite honestly, and I hope I don't offend anyone with this, but growing up in the mid-west and surrounded by alcoholics, I learned how to "fake it" and smile my positive, happy-self smile, through just about every situation in life, all in the name of "faith", and never truly admit that something was ever wrong or needed to be addressed.  I couldn't be weak; I couldn't doubt; I couldn't show that I was an emotional "girl".  God forbid.  "Everything's fine", "God's in control", "Just be positive and it will work out", "Wrong?  No, nothing's wrong.  Don't be silly", "How am I?  FINE!!!"  All the while I was dying inside.  Who knew?  And to quote one of my favorite movies, "DENIAL"!!!  Don't get me wrong; I'm not advocating running around spilling your sad story to everyone and their brother...but don't push reality down into your pinky toe and pretend everything is wonderful when it's not.  It is what it is.  Grief sucks.  Sometimes we're sick.  Sometimes we're sad or depressed.  Sometimes we're SO ANGRY!!! And sometimes we have been so hurt that we can hardly function.  It's ok to say, "I'm hurting, but I'm working through it."  OR...and here's a stretch for some of us "got it under control types"..."I need help." "I've fallen and I can't get up." (!)  Do you ever feel that way?  If you haven't, you will.  And when you do, who will be there to lend a hand?  And even more, will you let them?  We empower and value one another when we ask for and receive help.  We all have a need to be needed as well.  None of us is an island; we were created to need and function as a community, giving and receiving, building up the weaknesses and sharing in the strengths of each other.  We are all parts of one "body", so to speak...and we need one another to function properly.  Being honest with yourself and others takes time and courage, especially when you've had to be the "strong" one in your life...or at least you thought you had to be.  It's ok to fail (it keeps you humble and eliminates your choices!); it's ok to be wrong (we are all learning every day and sometimes our wrong choices are what teach us wisdom for the next time), and it's ok to be weak, for then we engage a trusted friend or family member and value them enough to share our vulnerability.  And...if nobody else is around, there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother...for in our weakness, He is strong.
Don't be afraid to face and feel your pain.  It's GOING TO HURT, but you will come through it, be stronger and hopefully wiser from it, and who knows...maybe you will be the trusted friend that lends a helping hand the next time.  You are strong, you are beautiful, you are loved, and you have a unique purpose...you can make a difference.   <3